Reading Time: 4’39”: Life Tips|| On toxic friendships, how to cut them!

Am I the only one that thinks the word “friend” is often misused today? Is he or she really your friend? Have they got your back for real? Are they making your life any better? Are they loyal?

With growth comes maturity, that’s how it should be anyways but usually not the case. I’ve always been the one to have a lot of “friends” around me and giving the kind of open, free and trusting person that I am, times without number I have placed importance on the wrong people.

Not everyone that says hello to you, waves at you, likes and comment on your Instagram is your friend and you should understand that. Some people are mere acquaintances or just people you know, distinguishing them will do you a lot of good. The concept of keeping a small circle honestly is new to me; I used to be a wide mouth, everyone knew what was going on with me and I did it with an open mind. I just assumed everyone was like me and why will you want to bring down another friend or hurt me with what I told you, I just couldn’t understand that.

Anyways back to this post, I want to talk about toxic friendships and cutting them off. A lot of us have toxic relationships in our lives and we simply do not realize they are toxic. Now let’s take a few steps back to when I was talking about friendships. There are friends, there are acquaintances and there are even just plain regular good people that just want to be nice to you. Your friend is that person that genuinely loves you and wants you to grow, that one that has got your back and will be there for you any day any time. you may fight or disagree but then that love and bond are stronger than any strife, your real G’s, these friends are good for your system.

Then there are toxic relationships, people that drain you, bring a lot of negativity and make you doubt yourself or try to be someone else. These are the set of people I want to talk about in this post, and let me just mention this now, some people may not mean harm to you, they may even be nice people but then they may also be bringing toxic relationships to your life. On this note, this toxic relationship thing has even gone beyond physical friendships and can also relate to relationships we have created online too.

If a friend makes me want to spend when I don’t have money and doesn’t care how I get the money that’s a toxic friendship. If my friend does things that make me feel bad about myself that’s a toxic relationship; if my friend draws me away from God that’s a super toxic relationship. If I follow a certain Instagram account and I start being envious, that’s a toxic relationship I have created and should be cut off immediately. If following you fosters hate in my heart then that’s another case of a toxic relationship, you should get the drift now! I think a good friend should be conscious of not letting the friendship become toxic because trust me any friendship can turn toxic.  When you have noticed that a certain friendship you have with someone is going sour, I don’t believe in the quarreling approach, I think if you eventually decide to end a relationship, it should always be on good terms as you don’t know what the future holds.

Here’s how I have managed to handle my toxic friendships

So every time I begin to notice the relationship I have with someone, whether friend or just mere acquaintance is beginning to get toxic I try to talk things out

Talk things Out

Yh! I’m a talker, sometimes people don’t know what they do until you bring it to their notice so you just have to tell them how you feel. A couple of times I’ve had to talk to people and things actually changed for the better, and through talking you realize where you too may have failed in the friendship. If talking helps then you don’t need to follow my other steps. Ps. This only works for physical friendships if is an online thing you have created my dear just cut all ties, unfollow, mute or whatever. And if this is someone you actually are not close to or you don’t have intentions to form a long-term friendship just keep a distance and save yourself some stress.

Begin to kindly decline invitations and offer, keep a distance!

You have that friend that makes you want to keep appearance, spend the money you don’t have, do what you don’t want to do, begin to decline! No be by force to commot! Stand your ground, ” No, I don’t want to go, I  do not have money…..” or if you’re the type that finds it hard to stand up to people just give an excuse and make it sound legit, don’t go saying your dog died LOL. A toxic friend that doesn’t really care will stop insisting, ain’t nobody got time for that!

Still on keeping a distance

Now that you have stylishly separated yourself from this “friend” try to actually keep a distance, unfollow them on social media, end your previous what’s app messages, and try to just keep it plain. Out of sight is indeed out of mind, soon they’ll just be somebody that you used to know (I literally just sang that line)

Get a digital detox, rid yourself of toxic friends, I even talked about a social media purge, read it HERE. Growing older has just changed my perspective on a lot of things and I’ve come to realize that so many things are not important. Life is too short to be friends with someone that doesn’t care about your growth, it’s too short to try to be friends with someone who hurts you but you choose to remain probably because of what can gain. And if someone is cutting you off too, ask yourself, have I been a toxic friend?  it’s always good to evaluate yourself sometimes, ask your friends how they feel about you, know the good friends and keep them closer!

I hope with these few points of mine, you will end toxic relationships in your life and live a healthier and happier life! ( primary school debate days hahaha) I know this post is lengthy It just felt like I was gisting with a friend hence the verbose nature! Ever been in a toxic friendship? How did you get out?Thanks for reading my blog always and please don’t forget to subscribe and refer my blog to others. Much love.

*No be by force to commot: This is Nigerian Pidgin English and in the context used means it’s not necessary to go out.

*Disclaimer: This is how I handle toxic friendships in my life and no research was carried out in the course of writing this post. The tips are based on my personal experiences with friendships. Friends could be your support system as well as your downfall so be careful with how you choose them.

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