Reading Time: 2 mins 24 secs || My Epiphany at 24
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
Those fleeting moments or long hours spent reflecting and asking questions like – How did I do? How have I been doing? What can I do? or What’s next? – They are inevitable, we all get there. It may not be at the same points in life, but we all do.
I’ve asked myself these questions in the past and as I grow older, the answers change, more like evolving.
Turning 24 might seem like a small feat but it has been a long and eventful journey and sometimes I feel 30. In this thing called life, I’ve been hit with different emotions and feelings. I have felt love, hate, anger, depression, pain, fear, confusion and what not. Battles have come, lost some and won some. I feel as though I’ve had to grow up faster than I should. Well, I had no choice anyway.
I want to share my stories but I don’t have the words. Just maybe I’ll gather strength to write a book someday. I had to grow up and be an adult way faster than I imagined. I moved to a new state at 22 and had to do life all by myself. I struggled with building relationships, finding a balance and basically just living.
I don’t know how best to explain this but it was a roller coaster of emotions. I went through a phase where I had to become someone else and fight back the sadness and overwhelm all at the same time.
I remember when the sadness seeped in so deep that I began to enjoy it. I used to ask myself questions like “ is it normal to enjoy sadness?” because it didn’t feel right. I had chosen it over happiness for so long and now it is safe to say I was addicted to sadness. I used to always feel a rush thinking of how sad I was and talking about imaginary problems. In all these, I realized that the things that actually made me happy were the things I had no control over but I had chosen to pick sadness over happiness.
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I should go into details and not leave you hanging but right now I don’t think I’m ready to bare it all out. Honestly, I still haven’t been able to figure out what was wrong with me but then I knew I had to fight it and get over it. In that fighting process, lessons were learned. I moved past everything and evolved, the picture got clearer and there was a better understanding.
One thing I am so proud of is my relationship with God. To be honest, he changed everything and turned my life around. I’ve always been a Christian but I wasn’t fully in the consciousness of who I was in Christ and who Christ was to me. For so long “building a better relationship with God” was top of all my to-do lists but it was just mouth and no action. Well, I became intentional with it and I really love where I am today.
I have learned to choose happiness every single day and appreciate the new family and life that I have and I don’t think I’m going to stop evolving because I have broken the facade and no longer live in the illusion I created for the world. I have found my desires hidden deep in my addictions and my deepest wishes in my fears. I have stepped out of that woman the world thinks it knows. I have found myself and fully embracing my art.
This is my epiphany at 24.
Ps. I launched a collection of content creators, bloggers, media lovers, and social media enthusiasts called The Black Writer’s Collective. Please check it out HERE and get a free gift – My Instagram Content Creation Tool Kit HERE
*Disclaimer: Thoughts in this post are entirely mine and all images used in this post were taken by Jesse Ngur Photography. This is a celebatory post and I am not necessarily trying to teach or share my stories in details. I turned 24 a few days ago and I am just excited thinking about the journey.
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